regret regret regret

RAWR

2011-04-04T12:10:00.001-07:00

i love brooklyn so much today
everywhere i look it's like a photo-op, so freaking cute
i love my banjo picks and i love laundromats
i love parks and project parlour and kindergarten teachers
i love babies and dogs everywhere i go
i love new friends and dancing and eating right
CHEEZ.

headache

2011-03-14T14:53:00.001-07:00

i have a headache and i feel like my brain is melting. i feel dumb. i need books and i need to go out side. how does one acquire "motivation"? maybe starting tomorrow, i will ride my bike to work. i think bikes and staying active and books and banjo lessons might cure my funk, i just don't know how to begin. :(

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh suzannaaa

2011-02-25T22:36:00.001-08:00

god that banjo babe really is such a babe, i hope he likes my note (in the future when he gets it) and i hope dorian is really friends with him

commitment

2011-02-25T22:25:00.000-08:00

i just got a really weird feeling in my stomach thinking about how this is my home now, and how many people i know here and friends i have, and things i've done, jobs i've had, and how my new job is only the beginning of my new york hairstylist career, and how there's more friends here than in all of ohio, and it's very very weird. just weird. i guess that kinda means i'm home. new york is my home! a year and a half, sheesh. i feel very very content these days.

just saying

2011-02-14T13:48:00.001-08:00

i hope my roommates get flowers from their boyfriends so i can enjoy them!!!! cmmmmmonnnnnnnnnnnnn ryan and eugene, i know you have it in you. happy valentine's day world, got to admit i'm having a damn good day.

appalling

2011-02-03T23:16:00.001-08:00

really truly appalled at my inability to keep delicious beverages flowing at my place of residence. of course i am talking non-alcoholic.

blurb

2011-02-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

at least its not february 1st anymore. PART OF THE WORST MONTH OF THE YEAR IS OVER. love, me, the genius

so sad

2011-01-31T18:15:00.000-08:00

i've been in my room all day and becky has her boyfriend over and i can just hear them laughing and kissing and having fun and kaile's always with ryan and they are just so lucky. it makes me feel really lonely. i feel dizzy.

2011-01-31T10:45:00.001-08:00

I cant stop won't stop thinking about sunkist. about to buy a can methinks.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

2011-01-31T10:41:00.001-08:00

blizzard art

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

oasis

2011-01-31T10:36:00.001-08:00

im sitting at oasis, the falafel spot. just ate my falafel. ricky martin is on tv. im sitting at the bar on the window and it's so hot in the sun. feels so good. I wish I could take an oasis nap.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

effffffff

2011-01-30T03:10:00.000-08:00

i think i screwed up on my license renewal. failing in 2011... blame it on the alcohol?

stupid shit

2011-01-30T03:05:00.000-08:00

first of all, waking up at 2 am and not being able to sleep and now it's 6 am and i have to wake up for work in 2 hours. that really fucking sucks. so i'm just listening to old music that i haven't listened to in years and feeling nostalgic. decided to check out the old xanga. missing fall 2006. i broke a brew york city glass a little while ago. i'm still really glad about my new job but godddd it's rough being the new girl. real rough. and now i'm going to work tomorrow on no sleep (again).

change change it's time for change.

freak i have to go try to sleep for the next 2 hours bye.

age

2011-01-24T13:22:00.001-08:00

some days i can't remember/decide if i am 22, 23, or 24. but i just remembered i'm 24. yuuuuck man. this age is gonna be rough, but i have a feeling by the time i'm 25 it will all be coming together!

su made me a necklace for my birthday. it rules. ummm. 8 days until my first paycheck. then i can resume semi-normal life! actually i probably won't resume semi-normal life until it's warm outside. winter recluse 4e. that is, of course, unless i'm drunk. ew i just realized my palms are sweaty. gross, dude. i need to figure out this license shiznit.

thank godddddd

2011-01-17T21:41:00.000-08:00

first week at new job is out of the way. talk about high anxiety!!!!!! lots of tears and feeling weird. i'm still trying to figure out where to go from here. eh, i just need a second job. and less of a social life, i think. or a new one or something. that involves hanging out at coffee shops and apartments and cooking dinners and doing yoga and not so much going to bars and scoping out dudes. like sooooo played out. so 2010 if you ask me.

also probably fostering a cat soon! meow

i want to take care of animals and kids and jenna i don't care if you think it's weird. i love kids and babies a lot. i still miss zane cal and james a lot. maybe i can see them tomorrow.

fuck

2011-01-12T16:08:00.000-08:00

i feel so irresponsible and depressed. i've spent 80 bucks in the past week on mistakes due to being too drunk, bad with money, or lazy. i don't know how to get out of this funk.

wish me luck

2011-01-10T04:05:00.001-08:00

new job

here i go

babes

2011-01-07T00:22:00.000-08:00

i have to track down the subway banjo babes and make them give me free lessons THEN WE WILL MAKE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER

day 3

2011-01-04T23:48:00.000-08:00

today was day 3 booze free and i feel like a new woman. i'll keep you updated. tomorrow i might EXERCIZE. i know.

well

2011-01-04T23:46:00.001-08:00

i think it's pretty safe to say i still have time for another episode of freaks and geeks. when you're unemployed and have no body clock or money, why not?, i say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today i probably did the BEST boots shopping on a budget in my entire life! i'd have to say i'm pretty proud. now i don't have to look like an orphan at work when i start! huzzah! life is good

2011-01-03T23:51:00.000-08:00

i wanna talk about freaks and geeks but nobody else is awake :(

h2o11

2011-01-02T11:17:00.000-08:00

all i really want to drink ever again is water. i definitely ended my old year drunk for like 3 days. well it's about time for me to start this new job and really embrace being poor happy and healthy. and being a better friend. and not being bummed that a doesn't love me back.

goodbye 2010

2010-12-31T15:30:00.001-08:00

you were the craziest year of my life by far!!!!

god i only have a few hours left of this year and i have nothing to wear!!!!!!!!!!! and i'm sitting in my cold room alone blogging!!!!!!!!!!

regret regret

2010-12-29T14:05:00.000-08:00

regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret

2010-12-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

constant state of nausea

nerves?

welp

2010-12-28T16:26:00.001-08:00

just got another credit card. god rest my soul.

barf.

2010-12-28T15:26:00.001-08:00

now i feel really terrible. i think i need to go buy a 40ozzzzzzzzzzz. poor sad and jerky.

dates

2010-12-28T09:21:00.001-08:00

asked on a date by one of the dude friends. not happy about this AT ALL.

holy dude friends!

2010-12-27T20:41:00.001-08:00

i'm so excited that i basically have 2 really awesome new dude friends. i think my life is going to improve a lot. i'm really proud of myself for putting myself out there. now, i basically have to go a month without spending ANY money. already screwed up today... :(:(:(:(

2011

2010-12-14T22:22:00.001-08:00

i'm talking about CHRISTMAS 2011.

this is my wishlist:
-go home for a week
-be able to buy presents for everyone i love
-twinkly lights

or maybe these can be my new years resolutions or something. this past years been CRAZY i hope 2011 is stable and smart. good luck kathleen you'll need it

*

2010-12-14T22:17:00.000-08:00

freak i love christmas and singing and decorationz. if i don't join a choir soon i'll just die.

unemployment

2010-12-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

i'm a little nervous for my roommates to come home and find that i've lost my job, but i'm just havin' a good time hanging out in my underwear blasting the 400 christmas carols i downloaded today and making millions of paper chains to hang under the black light i bought for halloween. i made a tree out of a string of lights under the black light so like the black light is the star. well they might hate it but i'm the only one who's gonna be here on christmas so whatever. also i might spend my $10 duane reade gift card on harpoon winter warmer. beer>food. i had a dream about it last night, so i guess it must come to be!

sunlight

2010-12-08T11:39:00.001-08:00

from 1:30-2:30, the sun shines on a shiny building across the street and reflects sunlight into my bedroom. if i'm home for it, it's my favorite part of day.

DEAR UNIVERSE,

2010-12-07T09:24:00.001-08:00

GIVE ME SOMETHING GOOD TODAY.

you know what i'm talking about.

sighhhhhhhhh

2010-11-22T00:45:00.001-08:00

i can't believe it's been a year and half since i've been a hair stylist :( :( :( blah life

2:05

2010-11-17T23:05:00.001-08:00

it's 5 minutes past what i just decided was my bedtime tonight, so i better force myself to go to bed.

funny

2010-11-17T23:02:00.000-08:00

this is my myspace interest from probably 3 or more years ago:

"kittens, cats, especially big fluffy lapcats, puppies, tiny songbirds, feathers, diet coke, black, ummmmm dirty chai tea lattes, my good good friends, pretending i'm going to move to new york, raspberry margaritas, crying, reading, gushing over models, long soft hair, the 4th of july, nostalgia, family, fresh flowers, chips and dips, instruments i'll never learn, candles and fire, cupcakes, mostly being quiet, spontaneity, old photos, old anything, new anything, themed parties, throwing parties (not currently possible), and getting through today"

i'm basically still the same except i don't pretend to move to new york anymore, throwing parties IS possible, ummm, and dirty chai tea lattes are like way way too sweet for me anymore. and i don't drink diet pop.

2010-11-03T23:51:00.000-07:00

bloggin from my phone. my hair's almost down to my belly button as i write this. i think this is a turning point. as I sit here with triscuits. i'm just saying i'm starting to miss people from my past that maybe at the time i didnt appreciate as much. well either way i'm stuck in the past still listenin' to neko and iron and feelin' the same 4e. not such a bad thing though. i'm not happy, but at least i'm not sad...

2010-11-01T22:49:00.001-07:00

"By hook or by crook, I hope that you will possess yourselves of money enough to travel and to idle, to contemplate the future or the past of the world, to dream over books and loiter at street corners and let the line of thought dip deep into the stream."
Virginia Woolf (A Room of One’s Own)

BOO!!!!!

2010-10-30T08:35:00.000-07:00

it's halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen bitchez!!!!!!!

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lazy

2010-10-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

this has been the laziest week. i'm working a lot, but other than work i'm just laying in bed. must. clean. room.

in other news i think today or tomorrow my last credit card payment will be payed and i'm officially free of the dreaded thing! reason for celebration!!!! also i'm cooking up some plans to make a big move in the spring. tentatively.

2010-10-19T00:41:00.000-07:00

got to fit in e.s. tonight. i hope i didn't wake kaile up with my crying... oh i want to cry all night

2010-10-17T23:43:00.000-07:00

i feel really weird and not really tired and a little lonely and sad and i'm wanting to watch eternal sunshine right now but i guess it's almost 3 am and i should just try to sleep. also, i miss singing.

WHAT

2010-10-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

most fun mom weekend ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! loving the beatles even more forever. thinking of starting an obsession. so unoriginal. today i got a fern and 3 old map posters and gypsy witch playing cards. not so bad.

thing i need/want/can't get because waiting tables is unreliable

2010-10-04T18:19:00.000-07:00

i miss being rich a couple months ago. now i'm poor poor pooooor. i still like to think about things i can one day afford like:

a new jacket
new jeans
boots galore
new hair
a platform bed
cowhide rug
navajo print rug
things like dreamcatchers and plants
mucho halloween decs
trips home
trips elsewhere
a new digi cam
a holga too
hair tools like blowdryers and irons
yoga
concerts
doctors appointments
a banjo
banjo lessons
bug ol' chunky scarves
oxfords

cheesy

2010-05-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

i'm so unbelievably happy. i feel like my face hurts from being in a constant smile. i can't wait to move into my new apartment in a week, i can't wait for summer, i can't wait to meet a million more new interesting people, i can't wait to travel! i love my friends. every day here is like a vacation, amazing food, amazing (window) shopping, then you look up and you're surrounded by amazing buildings and art and people from all over the world! just so much to see and experience, my head is swimming.

tired tired tired

2010-05-08T09:11:00.001-07:00

man, i gotta do stuff, but quite frankly my feet hurt from working non-stop for the past six days and walking everywhere and up and down these steps. i need better shoes! can't afford better anything, yet. so i'll just stay horizontal for maybe another ten minutes.

today i'm going to james' birthday party and i'm really nervous. i wonder how the kids will treat me but i hope it's just lovingly like i imagine. i'm more nervous about seeing jessica and larry and also about what to wear. ugh. at least things are going well enough for me that i won't be embarrassed to talk about myself.

the LEASE! hopefully monday i am signing a lease for the most beautiful best apartment in the whole wide world. it has the best rooftop view in williamsburg which means my summer will consist of bathing suits, mini-bbqs with hotdogs, sparklers, brewskies, popsicles, laying out, jamz, and all while overlooking pretty pretty manhattan and all the bridges and just everything being perfect, i imagine. probably about to commence the best summer of my life.

especially if working with rachel really works out and i make big big big money like i'm hoping to! i'm so excited to be relatively comfortable money-wise living in nyc! amaze.

as soon as operation new-apartment is underway i can concentrate (finally) on hair-doin'!!!! wow it looks nice outside and it was supposed to rain. that's enough to motivate me to get moving i suppose so that's all for now.

dreams last for so long

2010-04-19T16:59:00.000-07:00

i mean, i don't really think about mick that much anymore except that he lives in new york too so of course i think of getting in touch with him sometimes. but that doesn't really explain the dream: him driving me somewhere (i'm in the backseat) of some silver suv and he swerves wildly and we get pulled over and i'm really upset because i'm trying to save money. then we walk, with the cops, from my car to his apartment which of course doesn't make sense. he lives on avenue six in my dream. we hang out (with the cops) for awhile drinking beers and eating chips, little appesauce cups, and fruit by the foot. he get's kind of affectionate and then disappears and i decided i want to have one last cigarette/say goodbye. theres like this very strange bar next door and it's maze like and i end up looking for him but the crowd just keeps getting younger and finally i run into his little sister (fairly certain he doesn't have a little sister IRL) and she tells me how weird he is in relationships (slightly reminiscent of a conversation from my past) and then ends the conversation with "you know he's married right?" and talks about hating the girl, then i look for him even more but never find him and i wake up. and had one of those really hazy "did that really happen" feelings for about five minutes. i still feel weird. blah.

the sad truth

2010-04-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

i already spent 10 bucks at mcdonald's this morning, so i should do laundry, come home, and not spend a dime anywhere else today.

i hate starting new books

2010-04-14T08:44:00.001-07:00

don't get me wrong, i like reading new books. but i hate the beginning i'd much rather be in the middle or the end. but since i have laundry to do i better start a new book because wtf else am i going to do for 2 hours? maybe take a walk too. i can't decide if i'm allowed to get a manicure or a backrub today. i think i should be allowed to, especially if i plan on cleaning when i get home too. i also need to go to the grocery store and the bank but i reeeally don't want to deposit my cash. because i'm overdrawn so it will disappear a little. but i have credit cards to pay. i doubt a tiny bit that i'll have 2 grand saved by end of may but i really really want to. i think i might start eating ramen again nonstop because that's a meal for 25 cents and i spent too much money on delicious foods this past weekend.

wooooops this blog is boring but luckily nobody reads it except maybe ktz

whatever

2010-04-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

i'm just lonely again, nothing unusual and it's not that bad

not sure what to call this blog

2010-04-02T13:34:00.001-07:00

last night was so weeeeeeird. i worked late and then stayed out REALLY late at work and got kind of drunk and was the only girl there amidst a pretty weird crowd and then being sneaked into staying at brian's house. but he is so nice and there was no funny business which funnily enough kind of makes me like him a little. then he insisted i stay for breakfast and he ordered us some eggies and home fries and we watched the dog whisperer and some jessica simpson tv show and would once in awhile talk and i couldn't really understand him very much, irish accent and all, but it was nice sleeping in a bed, and nice having company. it's so weird that he just broke up with his fiance three weeks ago. makes me feel kind of sick and sad about the past. i want to stop thinking about c.

boat tomorrow yeeeeeah on a boat!

when am i going to go sailing with alan???

let me reiterate

2010-03-27T18:30:00.001-07:00

so relieved to have a job and a full week of work ahead of me

2010-03-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

i was halfway through thinking this blog when i was signing in so i'll start in the middle:
dear all my good friends in my life,
i hope this crap never makes you feel bad because your good vibes and good friendship and coolness is the reason why i am where i am today! where would i be without my sense of humor and inspo and support?????????? not in nyc. idk. i'm only funny bevause my friends think i am (or pretend it)

so whatever hmmm, i guess i'll talk about my crush that's not really a crush, i mean, ive been thinking he was like pretty cute and stuff for like 6 months and stuff, but he's pretty spazzy, like coke habit spazzy, im sure. but dang that irish accent. and the fact that he's pretty old actually makes him hotter to me. oops. i like old dudes. but its not very much like "omg we could be married" cutesy charismatic shit. it's really not that great. but it's fun to realize my crush and FINALLLY for the first time in years i feel like wtf i should go after guys i crush on because number one im good enough number two if it doesnt work out WTF who cares? on to the next. im soooo stuck in my introspection based on i can show my interest on a million guys and if it's not mutual it's just not. like how i wouldnt like a guy who's personality isnt waht i want no matter how hot they are or i wouldnt like a guy with a great persona if i wasnt physicalyy attracted and i might as well just chance all i have and not take it personally, beause its not personal when IIIIII dont like people, which is basically all the time.

and i think its so cool that how iron and wine made me feel at first and for years after like "this breath caught in my throat feeling" nothing else made me feel like that but now i feel like bon iver is that new feeling. and i feel like that feeling makes me feel real in myself.

its so crazy that meeting new people and having new friends just makes me believe even more and more that people are just PEOPLE. im just always lucky to find sweeties. but i feel like i take people very humanly. it's weird that i don't even know, its not that i dont miss my friends I DO it's just like going home even for a weekend seem lackluster to me, besides like sleeping with my parents and cuddling on my couch. wtf is columbus? it seems so dumb now. i miss my old memory times. i feel like i cared so much about c and i still do just because it ended up being such a huge time investment of my life. i struggle with wanting to piss him off or asking and hoping if he's doing well and wanting to be friendsone day.

even though im so happy that im not moving bck to ohio that i want to cry for like a week straight, i still feel that up till this point i made the right decisions. jessica job was soul sucking and i'm glad to be moving somewhat foreward. damn i miss cal and zane. that age is just beyond precious, so innocent and lovely. i could spend the rest of my life with those boys and still brag about them like they were my own. they wont even remember me when they grow up.

i cant wait to have kids. (i mean i can butyou know)

now i imagine everying in an irish accent, i cant help it okay?!?! i have a crush and im finally allowing myself to indulge in it for the first time in years. i love this feeling! i feel so girly!!!!!!

new york is so beautiful. i do great things all the time and don't even tally them in my brain until i do, and i'm like wtf ice skating in central park, marina abramovic at moma, the armory show, brunchies, photoshoot with ryan mcginley, omg and karl lagerfeld had a shoot ON MY STREET for chanel today but i was working and missed it but i mean come on really? i stillll talk to people and they probably think im 9 when i talk about living here because i'm so freaking giddy that i live in nyc. forever and ever. eternal optimist.

2010-03-07T20:21:00.000-08:00

just what a weird place to be in right now. i miss my mom so much in this moment, and i miss being close to people/close with people. i have been so lucky to make great friends in new york, and there's nothing i desire about back home, i don't think going home would satiate my loneliness. and i'm not lonely often or anything, i think it just gets to you after awhile just not knowing what's going to happen. and having all the time in the world to think about it, or just to sleep. it's been so insane going from having no life of my own, to having all day every day to myself. it kind of drives you mad. but i know i'm going in the right direction.

i do wish i was cuddling on the couch with my mom watching seinfeld though.

last night was really fun and i can't believe how many people are coming out of the woodwork. how is the biggest city in the country such a small world? i love it. home.

darling darling darling

2010-01-22T20:22:00.000-08:00

i just bought a new computer :) my darling macbook pro. it's truly beautiful. i can't believe i've gone years without a computer! i already feel so much more connected to the world. this is going to help.

2009-12-26T23:29:00.000-08:00

so i'm packing our food for the planeride (it's 2:30 am and i'm nowhere near done) and i decided we need to pack cheerios. so i put them in a tupperware and decided it was too much so i poured the cheerios into a smaller tupperware. there was a little left over in the big tupperware and i decided that instead of pouring the remaining cheerios back into the cheerios box, i could dispose of them by dumping the rest into my mouth. it ended up being about the largest number of cheerios i could imagine fitting into my mouth, so i'm hangin' out in the kitchen, chubby bunny style.

in comes larry and he asks me "how's it going??" to which i have to answer an indistinguishable "good" through my mouthful of cheerios with my cheeks puffed out. god so cool.

by the way i love larry and there is just no way to even describe the past couple months. a big important thing to say is i kind of want to quit but at the moment i don't care because in 12 hours i'll be IN THE TROPICS and in a few weeks i get to visit home, home sweet home!!!!!!!!!!!

im so tired

2009-10-04T20:50:00.001-07:00

it's so weird because this job can be so amazing on the one hand, and so frustrating on the other. it's hard not to freak out but the good is so good!

today i had a few hours off and i just walked around my neighborhood. first i started off at "french roast" this adorable french cafe style restaurant and i got yummy breakfast quesadillas and coffee. the weather today was so perfect i wanted to cry. i felt good about figuring out the city and i got to all the places i needed to. it's so insane to have EVERYTHING i could ever want in walking distance! i walked to urban, sephora, little boutiques, barneys (so inspiring), ricky's, i walked through a craft fair next to central park, i got pinkberry (yum yum yum yum finally!!!), i loaded up on my aveda needs. it's nice to be alone. and it's nice to be with friends!

hanging out with orla last night was so unexpected and turned out great! i have such a good feeling about being here. she showed me around the lower east side and east village and i feel like i'm in love when i walk down the streets. they are brimming with such life! the bars we went to were right on spot. talked to some of the nicest people in the world. oh i bought perfect boots yesterday too! and ate at some cute igloo feel thai place with huge $5 sake cocktails! all in all a total success :).

it feels soooo amazing to have separated myself from all the negative energies my life used to hold. my heart still aches all the time though, but i know that's normal. i feel like i'm learning so much. even the cab drivers and doormen have such interesting stories. new york is so unbeatably cool!

PS i can't wait to go to tortola!!!!!!!!

i knew it

2009-09-26T22:43:00.000-07:00

living in new york is worth it even if you have to work 16 hours a day every day.

2009-09-18T10:07:00.000-07:00

oh but i'll give you a clue. okay maybe this isn't a good clue, i'll call it a "teaser".

2009-09-18T09:58:00.001-07:00

first i will start by saying that i might be the only person i know (other than my sister) who loves sarah mclachlan A LOT. and i'm okay with that and will always support her lyrics music and voice forever. i don't remember much of what else i would want to say. probably just thinking about how much i still love my wild rose dove deo and that now i'm addicted to seinfeld. sometimes i think about going to bed around 10 but then i have to stay up to watch seinfeld from 11-12 and then i'm not tired because it's so funny to me still. also to remember that i want to volunteer with kitties and i need a new notebook. the brandwhore in me wants a moleskine.

i can't talk too much about what might happen in the next week or it definitely won't happen. but i can say that i'm going shopping today and i'm so inspired from having nothing better to do than obsess over fashion week!

positively positive

2009-09-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

still trying to surround myself with good energies because that's the only way i can truly live up to my expectations of myself. out with the bad, in with the good.

eternal optimist!

sorry

2009-09-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

i want to write so many mean things. i'm regretful of my friendships and trying to be a good friend anymore. i don't think anybody cares or appreciates it. i'm done talking to you all bye. every day i want to disappear a little more.

2009-09-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

blehhhhhhh so i have a new plan called join smart sitters. i flatironed my hair today and i'm really not very sure about this whole straight hair thing. i'm not too into it. lately i'm more into hiking, turtles, cooking, craigslist, and pumpkin spice lattes. oh, and twitter. and taking naps in the sun like an animal. right now i can hear an owl hooting. wildlife is nice. omg so is apple cider.

bored but optimistic

2009-08-31T10:25:00.000-07:00

last night i spent an hour listening to "learn french by podcast".

today i was emailed by a french family in the upper east side who wants to give me my own apartment.

coincidence?...

~~~~TO-DO~~~~

2009-08-26T00:53:00.000-07:00

okay my goodness i need to get on track.

i woke up around 4 pm today (after sixteen hours of sleep) and had a huuuuuuge coffee and now it's 4 am and i can't sleep. wonderful, eh?

so guess what, this is my to-do list for tomorrow, and i'm sticking to it!

wake up by 10 AM.
drive my groggy ass to starbucks for some fuel.
hair dye. i'm thinking a level three or four ash.
shower! dress! refresh!
see if the daycare down the street is hiring.
email 5 more families.
learn an easy song on the piano. start off small.

maybe attempt eggplant parmesan for dinner.

oh, see natalie before she moves to nyc! don't be bitter.
read another chapter.

this is an easy day. i can do it. goodnight.

whyyyyyyyyy do i have no friends

2009-08-24T14:11:00.001-07:00

is it because i'm mean and easily fed up and don't really care about anybody? or do people actually not like me that much?

lily allen for chanel

2009-08-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

such a fan

more goth than ever

2009-07-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

it's raining, i've been in my pajamas for the past three days straight, i cry myself to sleep, and i want to buy this:

also maybe i'm going to new york, portland, paris, or copenhagen. so don't feel too sorry for met yet. i am dreading even visiting columbus for fear of questions about london and pitying looks.

too good to be true.

2009-07-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

Kathleen, sorry if I cut you short just now, but I was on the verge or tears and didn't want to cry down the phone to you.

I'm so upset that we will not be meeting you as I had already set my heart on you being the right person for us.

The rules just aren't fair. Please understand that we can not break the law, nor risk you being arrested for working illegally and being deported. This would be on your record and your passport for life if this happened.

You seem truly like a wonderful person and I really hope you don't give up on your dreams. If you do make it to Europe or even over to the UK for a holiday, please contact us and we would be so happy to put you up and look after you.

I'm so sincerely sorry that you have come this far only to be let down, but I didn't realise the foreign office had stopped Americans working here.

I wish you luck, happiness and success and please express my apologies to your mum too.

With Love.
Karen.

missing things

2009-07-12T07:14:00.000-07:00

i might be crazy for putting myself in a situation where i'm going to miss everything ever, and live somewhere new and meet new people who i'm inevitably going to be missing a year from now.

sometimes missing consumes my life.

2009-07-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

moving to the UK in ten days!

is this real life???

2009-07-03T10:27:00.000-07:00

GUESS WHAT I AM BLOGGING FROM MY PHONE

a poem by margaret atwood

2009-06-25T17:35:00.000-07:00

michelle turned me on to this and i love it.
"variations on the word sleep"

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.

things i can look forward to

2009-06-15T09:01:00.000-07:00

1. starting a book club
2. painting my bike ivory (and finding a brown seat for it)
3. becoming a rose enthusiast (after yesterday's trip to the park of roses, i'm hooked!)
4. living somewhere new :)

heartache

2009-05-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

what's wrong with me

i have two jobs

2009-05-19T10:13:00.000-07:00

one doesn't start until 2:30, and the other one doesn't start until 6, 7, or 8 depending. i love that i don't even feel guilty waking up, eating something, and sitting in the sun reading all afternoon. i can totttttally do this all summer. books, hotdogs, suntans

what a beautiful day!!!!!!

2009-05-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

so, now i have two jobs. and i think i'm getting a third even MORE embarrassing job. but whatever because i hate being broke and i hate when i'm not busy. i can't wait until i can afford daily starbucks again which will make my busy days really great.

i pretty much think 3 years without a boyfriend is a record for anybody and i can't figure myself out. if i'm closed off to it or too independent or picky? it's so weird that it's probably my fault because i'm also quite lonely. i just want to watch movies and go for walks and forget everyone else. i'm tired of being on the receiving end of the forgetting.

one thing is for sure, i would never ever put up with a boyfriend who doesn't like my friends. or make excuses. or not invite my friends somewhere because my boyfriend is coming. or not say bye because i'm with my boyfriend.

i think i'm going to go sun myself for an hour, go to the grocery where i will also buy bleach because it's cat pee cleanup time. like my landlord doesn't hate me enough already. I CANT GET RID OF MY CATS. they are too small and soft. does anybody want to watch poltergeist with me????

ohhhhh on top of everything else right now i have a raging cold. UGH. good thing i have baby packs of kleenex.

ny, ny VS c-bus

2009-05-11T13:01:00.000-07:00

i just hit another financial roadblock. is the world trying to tell me something? is this an obstacle i can overcome? should i spend another year in columbus? should i really get a third job and disappear until october? i don't feel like i'd miss out on much... i just want to get away... maybe not new york... maybe out west...........

bad feeling

2009-05-05T10:11:00.000-07:00

bad dreams, gettin' really lonely, i think my cats are dying, polaroid film won't develop, not gonna make rent, no forest runs this week, a little bit stuck in the past lately, can't find a job, feeling rejected, unmotivated, slumpy, dumpy.

building a resume/mystery

2009-04-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

apparently showing up to an establishment looking fly and batting my eyelashes while half-filling out an inapt application isn't going to cut it.

i'm sitting here cutting and pasting sample resumes on the internet while i stretch out my sore gams by sitting in the splits in the kitchen and loading up on 3 shots of espresso to cure my slightly hopeless introverted demeanor. something's gotta give.

i just changed my blog color palette for the first time. didn't help much. i just turned on some mates of state. helped a little.

i want to make art!!!!!!!!!

not sure what to blog about

2009-04-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

it's going to rain for the next seven days which matches my mood (goth) right now even though the sun is peaking out. i'm gonna make a resume that talks about how amazingly skilled i am but that i'm not friendly so don't try to talk to me when you hire me. i feel stale in columbus.

fast spring

2009-04-19T14:03:00.000-07:00

more than a month since my last post!!! this is because i have been overly busy with life and living. i hate how fast spring and summer pass. i'm serious. i just hate it. i wish hanging out lasted forever. it's been nice a lot and i haven't had time for one cookout or porch beer yet! i'm going to blink my eyes and i'm pretty sure it will be mid-may. crap.

but everything's good everything's good. i hope this 3 jobs all summer thing works out and i hope brooklyn in autumn works out even more... or maybe i just want to relax with barely any jobs and just hangout? right now i'll pretend i might move to new york still.

i already feel how different it feels not to work at the happy greek anymore. i obviously like it, even though i miss most people and some food and a little bit of everything all the time.

i have the greatest bike alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so far i've only gone on one bike ride. it was in a cemetery. also, today i looked at mummies and carcophaguses and egyptian statues and trinkets and stuff i don't know it was all really cool. i bought a pretty cool ring too.

shortay

2009-03-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

i'm not going to spend a lot of time on this post because this is an important day to not spend on the internet. it's BEAUTIFUL, i already had 3 shots of espresso, and by 8:00 pm my body is going to be free of hair from the waist down for the next month! apres-le-waxing, i'm going out with columbus besties that have been m.i.a. lately due to finals. YES!

in a week i will sipping pina coladas on the beach.

i'm in the midst of my highest week ever at the salon.

life is gooooood!

a date?

2009-03-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

i can't believe i went on a true-life honest-to-goodness date! date me date me date meeee

oh and a thoughtful present on a first date is always good

sad

2009-03-07T12:35:00.001-08:00

i am sad about 2 things right now.

1. i'm sad that i'm not staying in columbus tonight because gallery hop and warm weather and friends sounds really fun.

2. and i am sad that i want to stay in columbus instead of going home and seeing my family. i feel like nothing is ever enough to make me happy sometimes. i was happy and excited to go home but now i'm like noooo what am i doing, but at least i'll get laundry done and see coco and have 2 dinners cooked for me.

WAH WAHHHH droop droop droop

get me out of droopytown i need to go to florida i guess

holy dinner

2009-03-02T12:11:00.000-08:00

cory cory cory

she is my best friend ever because she can come to columbus and i have more fun in 48 hours than i did all freaking month. i don't even remember what we did this weekend and i don't even care, i just love having a best friend who wants to drive around in the sun and drink milkshakes and stuff. i wish she could be here all the time. but at least we are so good at long distance.

four course dinner with chef carlo was so yummy, it's inspiring me to maybe cook in my kitchen again! friends + food is always a good thing. also it's not february anymore! AND i sang karaoke last night..... by myself!!!!!! monumental. fun. loves it.

i hope jenna wants to hang out lots this week and i hope katie or somebody moves in so i don't have to pay $600 for rent this month. i'm putting all my tax moneys on my credit card and seriously lifting a weight off my shoulders.

i think jenna's home i'm gonna go bye.

fun squid

2009-02-23T09:58:00.000-08:00

i miss fun squad and i miss fun but i have to keep reminding myself it's just february and that is february.

my hair is getting lighter all on it's own it seriously knows me. it's day three without washing and it looks FANTASTIC. i think it's from brushing before going to bed. if you want a new good hair tip it's brush your hair before you go to bed. love, your hairstylist.

speaking of hairstylist stuff i can tell that i'm going to start my portfolio very soon. i have a lot of good things coming up and did i mention i'm practically a fashion designer too? did i mention that i found a girl on craigslist who is going to let me color her hair plum and dusty antique rose and make fairy braids? this is probably a dream come true. i'm getting so un-depressed at the thought that i might even clean my room and do laundry today and i MIGHT even work out! these are things i can't do when i'm depressed which is why in february i'm usually fat and live in filth. okay filth is taking it a little too far but let's just say febreeze has been my best friend.

i am excited for vacation it's a month away. we should get more best friend trinkets. i'm pretty sure when i get my happy greek paycheck this week i'm going to buy at least one pair of shoes from dolce vita. now that bonita spring is so close sunshine grilling and margaritas seems a little more real and a little less fantasy. today i bought things like pomegranate juice and celery sticks in the hopes that my arms will be a little smaller when i'm traipsing around in a teeny bikini. but my camera hasn't worked for practically a year so really who cares???? it's good timing really.

oh my god i wish you could see my cats right now. i wish i knew if martha dre was a boy or girl.

fuck i don't know which record to buy next. they sell lily allen at used kids and i think i just want it because it looks cool and pink and might be kind of cheerful?

and i am out of inspiring animal-inspired jewelry. i'm tired of everything. give me a snake shaped ring or a chunkier bangle. give me tiny antique framed mirrors, they seriously start at $50 on ebay, i'm so confused. actually i'm about to head to the thrift store...

yup

breakfast hunger past noon

2009-02-18T09:21:00.000-08:00

i love sleeping in and sitting around until 1 when i want breakfast so bad i might just fall over and die. i think the only thing i can make is peanut butter toast. but hey, i'm not complaining. i'll probably make three slices.

this weather sucks it's the absolute worst. it's freezing and dreary and months away from warmth and sunshine. i don't want to live in columbus next winter. i don't want to work out, i don't want to clean my room, i don't want to beg people to be my clients. i just want to lay in my bed and eat breakfast and sleep with my cats.

i have 8 million outfits planned for spring but i have no dollars. this is going to be impossible and depressing but i will still love warm sunny weather even if i have to just wear the same thing every day. i forgot about my summer jumper and i just can't waitttt to feel like that again! jumper and bathing suit. hotdogs for breakfast lunch and dinner. pushups for dessert.

i'm starving
i hate bras
my hair is getting REALLY long

rabies

2009-01-19T08:08:00.001-08:00

yeah, i'm pretty sure i have rabies now

i hate girltalk
i hate losing everything
i hate nightmares
i hate blogging

is this bad?

2009-01-16T12:36:00.001-08:00

i think i'm coming to the realization that pop r&b-type music seriously might be my favorite. i get the biggest cravings for k-ci and jojo, and joe, and ginuwine. crrrrinnnngggggeee. i also think that i have unfortunately influenced my sister in the same way. poor girl. i think she actually thinks it's appropriate to like this music, a lot.

also that i like pictures where hands look really big. and i like big hands, i think it's because mine are pretty big (but still girly). if your hands are smaller than mine, sucks.

also i want to know where everyone finds the cool stuff they post on their blog because i want to buy it all. and all i have to blog about is indecision and big hands and crappy music and daily food adventures and the newest party i'm throwing.

REGRET REGRET REGRET

2009-01-14T07:21:00.000-08:00

this is what was going round-n-round in my head last night as i layed in bed:

mass amounts of food from the happy creep burning my body and trying to explode through my ears, regrets including:

-falafel and feta salata pita breakfast
-nutty perogie number two, three, four, and five
-cup of coffee number four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, lost count
-hummunisti and kopaziki twice (2 more pitas, 400 more cals)
-bite of gross baklava
-birthday pastitsio that was pretty cold (even though it had a heart on it)
-the last of jenna's spicy chicken sandwich
-big azz margarita

not including:
-cup off coffee number one, two and three
-nutty perogie number one
-broken banana half
-birthday tini

FOOOOOOOOOOD tomorrow i'm going to be fat and 22

2009

2008-12-21T22:22:00.000-08:00

i'm going to overlook christmas for just a moment, and jump to my promises for the new year.

things:
-i'm not going to drink any more pop. not even diet coke. unless it's mixed with an adult beverage. hopefully this won't result in the unnecessary consumption of rum at odd hours, but i'm going to try it nonetheless.
-i swear i'm going to save money. i am going to put every happy greek paycheck into my savings account, because they aren't a reliable source of income, anyway. soon i will be able to buy a computer.
-i'm going to read the 20+ books i have lined up for myself in my bedroom. oh and start reading science fiction. and nonfiction.
-i'm going to clean the litter box every other day, at minimum.
-i'm going to lose like 20 lbs (duh)
-i'm going to try to somehow find a way to build an amazing clientele and dedicate more of myself to my profession.
-and start building a portfolio (someone help me!)
-i'm going to join a choir/volunteer (two things i always make a small effort to do but never succeed)

in attempt to make this post slightly less boring to readers (all 3 of you), here's a video i found particularly amusing tonight:

barack obama

2008-11-04T20:08:00.001-08:00

is president!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

51 seconds remaining

2008-10-28T13:34:00.000-07:00

on the library computer.

this sucks.

i want my own.

checklist

2008-10-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

-make caramel apples
-maybe fog machine
-orange pbr
-spooky cloth hangings
-NEED MORE IDEAS, TABLES, TAPE,
-black martinis, spooky punch, pumpkin ales, and spiked cider, idk

i am so so so happy for saturday already!!!!!!!

oh yeah and getting married

2008-10-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

i think i'm going to wear my hair down and kind of wavy and a little veil that goes over it that i can't describe with my mother's dress. the kittens i have now i will have when i get married! isn't that weird? also have been thinking about my friends getting married, even though they are not. and being happy for them. i just want to be happy for everybody and i am. i think people are happy for me but they shouldn't be, which is mean but i already said today that i'm not good at being nice anymore.

lost blog

2008-10-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

the kind of crap i like:

dear roommates, i will buy these kinds of things and hang them up on our walls i just like trees and flowers and birds but in a weird way and animal things

i failed at electronic checking again this month i'm one day late because i never know or care about the date and life just passes me by pretty much

i do know that my halloween party is a week from saturday though which sucks because i have no idea what my costume is going to be and i still need more scary decorations and time for these things.

i do know that my kittens are the only reason i'm not full blown psycho and sad lately and that the weather right now is perfect fall weather but i can't see or feel it clearly at all i feel like something is weighing down on me ????????? i don't know i just hate when you have to remind yourself to take a breath but you can't figure out why

i remember that in high school i thought i was good at being nice, writing, reading, creating art, singing, having fun, and dressing, and now i feel like i am not good at any of these things

i am happy and thankful though for my family and friends.

i don't know what else to say but i'm probably fine

no net

2008-09-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

dude i don't have the internet

i don't really care but now i get such a rush when checking up on perez at the public library

also i don't have a tv

basically, my new apartment is THE GREATEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME, and my kittens

today starts one month of sobriety... i think/hope i can do it! i'm so tired of drinking it's just wasting my money and making me sick and stuff

last weekend i got towed again and got another speeding ticket in mansfield and i'm probably getting my lisence taken away. we'll see but i kind of hate myself. it's time for some major self improvement now that i have apartment and jobs figured out. i also need to make myself start volunteering at medary again because i know i loved it. it's kind of crazy that with no tv or computers, i STILL barely have any any any free time.

i'm getting nervous at work i just want to succeed and have big numbers but it's slowww goinggg especially because i hate marketing and feeling fake

also i'm probably going to bartend at the happy greek, get good, and then bartend somewhere where i can make lots of moneyyyyyyyy

although i'd probably miss slavisha too much

i feel bad for my baby boys and not having names or having too many names

i also feel bad for how my hair looks

but dude my room is so pretty, and so is italian village and i can't wait for leaves to change and pumkin carvin and spooky tunes and cobwebs and ciderrr

uhhhhhhhh

2008-08-20T07:04:00.001-07:00

this was just too embarrassing to post anywhere else and probably here but just too much happened yesterday.

first of all waking up and checking my email to find out that i get to live at 802 hamlet omg which is awesome because the place is awesome and even more awesome because I FINALLY HAVE A HOME and can think about all the things i've been WANTING to think about for forever like wall stencils and lighting and pots and pans and couches and it's all so overwhelmingly goood!

so i mean, start to a great day, clearly

then i work at the happy greek day 2 and even if i'm lame for returning i'm just so happy to be making money and feeling comfortable and thank goddddd things aren't weirdddd and thank god mo remembers how to play rock paper scissors

so on my small break i'm driving around grandview lost trying to find panera and of course i get a speeding ticket and OF COURSE i have to go to court next tuesday and probably jail (probably not)

then back to work where i make less money than i would want to but i guess it's only tuesday and then i get off and change and go to ravari room to celebrate AND try to forget about my new ticket, so OBVIOUSLY for the stupidest reasons ever i am able to get myself BANNED from ravari room and hounddogs and waste my time complaining to cops

i'm sooooo tired of having things to complain about and seeming negative but i really can't help feeling sorry for myself sometimes when really bad things happen every day and i can't even have one successfully good normal day

at least i finally sang karaoke and everybody fell in love with me

and anyway the thing is, is that ravari room is stupid and i don't even careeee

regret regret regret

RAWR

headache

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh suzannaaa

commitment

just saying

appalling

blurb

so sad

oasis

effffffff

stupid shit

age

thank godddddd

fuck

wish me luck

babes

day 3

well

h2o11

goodbye 2010

regret regret

welp

barf.

dates

holy dude friends!

2011

*

unemployment

sunlight

DEAR UNIVERSE,

sighhhhhhhhh

2:05

funny

BOO!!!!!

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lazy

WHAT

thing i need/want/can't get because waiting tables is unreliable

cheesy

tired tired tired

dreams last for so long

the sad truth

i hate starting new books

whatever

not sure what to call this blog

let me reiterate

darling darling darling

im so tired

i knew it

positively positive

sorry

bored but optimistic

~*~*~*~*TO-DO*~*~*~*~

whyyyyyyyyy do i have no friends

lily allen for chanel

more goth than ever

too good to be true.

missing things

a poem by margaret atwood

things i can look forward to

heartache

i have two jobs

what a beautiful day!!!!!!

ny, ny VS c-bus

bad feeling

building a resume/mystery

not sure what to blog about

fast spring

shortay

a date?

sad

holy dinner

fun squid

breakfast hunger past noon

rabies

is this bad?

REGRET REGRET REGRET

2009

barack obama

51 seconds remaining

~~~~TO-DO~~~~