cheesy

i'm so unbelievably happy. i feel like my face hurts from being in a constant smile. i can't wait to move into my new apartment in a week, i can't wait for summer, i can't wait to meet a million more new interesting people, i can't wait to travel! i love my friends. every day here is like a vacation, amazing food, amazing (window) shopping, then you look up and you're surrounded by amazing buildings and art and people from all over the world! just so much to see and experience, my head is swimming.

tired tired tired

man, i gotta do stuff, but quite frankly my feet hurt from working non-stop for the past six days and walking everywhere and up and down these steps. i need better shoes! can't afford better anything, yet. so i'll just stay horizontal for maybe another ten minutes.

today i'm going to james' birthday party and i'm really nervous. i wonder how the kids will treat me but i hope it's just lovingly like i imagine. i'm more nervous about seeing jessica and larry and also about what to wear. ugh. at least things are going well enough for me that i won't be embarrassed to talk about myself.

the LEASE! hopefully monday i am signing a lease for the most beautiful best apartment in the whole wide world. it has the best rooftop view in williamsburg which means my summer will consist of bathing suits, mini-bbqs with hotdogs, sparklers, brewskies, popsicles, laying out, jamz, and all while overlooking pretty pretty manhattan and all the bridges and just everything being perfect, i imagine. probably about to commence the best summer of my life.

especially if working with rachel really works out and i make big big big money like i'm hoping to! i'm so excited to be relatively comfortable money-wise living in nyc! amaze.

as soon as operation new-apartment is underway i can concentrate (finally) on hair-doin'!!!! wow it looks nice outside and it was supposed to rain. that's enough to motivate me to get moving i suppose so that's all for now.

dreams last for so long

i mean, i don't really think about mick that much anymore except that he lives in new york too so of course i think of getting in touch with him sometimes. but that doesn't really explain the dream: him driving me somewhere (i'm in the backseat) of some silver suv and he swerves wildly and we get pulled over and i'm really upset because i'm trying to save money. then we walk, with the cops, from my car to his apartment which of course doesn't make sense. he lives on avenue six in my dream. we hang out (with the cops) for awhile drinking beers and eating chips, little appesauce cups, and fruit by the foot. he get's kind of affectionate and then disappears and i decided i want to have one last cigarette/say goodbye. theres like this very strange bar next door and it's maze like and i end up looking for him but the crowd just keeps getting younger and finally i run into his little sister (fairly certain he doesn't have a little sister IRL) and she tells me how weird he is in relationships (slightly reminiscent of a conversation from my past) and then ends the conversation with "you know he's married right?" and talks about hating the girl, then i look for him even more but never find him and i wake up. and had one of those really hazy "did that really happen" feelings for about five minutes. i still feel weird. blah.

the sad truth

i already spent 10 bucks at mcdonald's this morning, so i should do laundry, come home, and not spend a dime anywhere else today.

i hate starting new books

don't get me wrong, i like reading new books. but i hate the beginning i'd much rather be in the middle or the end. but since i have laundry to do i better start a new book because wtf else am i going to do for 2 hours? maybe take a walk too. i can't decide if i'm allowed to get a manicure or a backrub today. i think i should be allowed to, especially if i plan on cleaning when i get home too. i also need to go to the grocery store and the bank but i reeeally don't want to deposit my cash. because i'm overdrawn so it will disappear a little. but i have credit cards to pay. i doubt a tiny bit that i'll have 2 grand saved by end of may but i really really want to. i think i might start eating ramen again nonstop because that's a meal for 25 cents and i spent too much money on delicious foods this past weekend.

wooooops this blog is boring but luckily nobody reads it except maybe ktz

whatever

i'm just lonely again, nothing unusual and it's not that bad

not sure what to call this blog

last night was so weeeeeeird. i worked late and then stayed out REALLY late at work and got kind of drunk and was the only girl there amidst a pretty weird crowd and then being sneaked into staying at brian's house. but he is so nice and there was no funny business which funnily enough kind of makes me like him a little. then he insisted i stay for breakfast and he ordered us some eggies and home fries and we watched the dog whisperer and some jessica simpson tv show and would once in awhile talk and i couldn't really understand him very much, irish accent and all, but it was nice sleeping in a bed, and nice having company. it's so weird that he just broke up with his fiance three weeks ago. makes me feel kind of sick and sad about the past. i want to stop thinking about c.

boat tomorrow yeeeeeah on a boat!

when am i going to go sailing with alan???