51 seconds remaining

on the library computer.

this sucks.

i want my own.

checklist

-make caramel apples
-maybe fog machine
-orange pbr
-spooky cloth hangings
-NEED MORE IDEAS, TABLES, TAPE,
-black martinis, spooky punch, pumpkin ales, and spiked cider, idk

i am so so so happy for saturday already!!!!!!!

oh yeah and getting married

i think i'm going to wear my hair down and kind of wavy and a little veil that goes over it that i can't describe with my mother's dress. the kittens i have now i will have when i get married! isn't that weird? also have been thinking about my friends getting married, even though they are not. and being happy for them. i just want to be happy for everybody and i am. i think people are happy for me but they shouldn't be, which is mean but i already said today that i'm not good at being nice anymore.

lost blog

the kind of crap i like:




dear roommates, i will buy these kinds of things and hang them up on our walls i just like trees and flowers and birds but in a weird way and animal things

i failed at electronic checking again this month i'm one day late because i never know or care about the date and life just passes me by pretty much

i do know that my halloween party is a week from saturday though which sucks because i have no idea what my costume is going to be and i still need more scary decorations and time for these things.

i do know that my kittens are the only reason i'm not full blown psycho and sad lately and that the weather right now is perfect fall weather but i can't see or feel it clearly at all i feel like something is weighing down on me ????????? i don't know i just hate when you have to remind yourself to take a breath but you can't figure out why

i remember that in high school i thought i was good at being nice, writing, reading, creating art, singing, having fun, and dressing, and now i feel like i am not good at any of these things

i am happy and thankful though for my family and friends.

i don't know what else to say but i'm probably fine

no net

dude i don't have the internet

i don't really care but now i get such a rush when checking up on perez at the public library

also i don't have a tv

basically, my new apartment is THE GREATEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME, and my kittens

today starts one month of sobriety... i think/hope i can do it! i'm so tired of drinking it's just wasting my money and making me sick and stuff

last weekend i got towed again and got another speeding ticket in mansfield and i'm probably getting my lisence taken away. we'll see but i kind of hate myself. it's time for some major self improvement now that i have apartment and jobs figured out. i also need to make myself start volunteering at medary again because i know i loved it. it's kind of crazy that with no tv or computers, i STILL barely have any any any free time.

i'm getting nervous at work i just want to succeed and have big numbers but it's slowww goinggg especially because i hate marketing and feeling fake

also i'm probably going to bartend at the happy greek, get good, and then bartend somewhere where i can make lots of moneyyyyyyyy

although i'd probably miss slavisha too much

i feel bad for my baby boys and not having names or having too many names

i also feel bad for how my hair looks

but dude my room is so pretty, and so is italian village and i can't wait for leaves to change and pumkin carvin and spooky tunes and cobwebs and ciderrr

uhhhhhhhh

this was just too embarrassing to post anywhere else and probably here but just too much happened yesterday.

first of all waking up and checking my email to find out that i get to live at 802 hamlet omg which is awesome because the place is awesome and even more awesome because I FINALLY HAVE A HOME and can think about all the things i've been WANTING to think about for forever like wall stencils and lighting and pots and pans and couches and it's all so overwhelmingly goood!

so i mean, start to a great day, clearly

then i work at the happy greek day 2 and even if i'm lame for returning i'm just so happy to be making money and feeling comfortable and thank goddddd things aren't weirdddd and thank god mo remembers how to play rock paper scissors

so on my small break i'm driving around grandview lost trying to find panera and of course i get a speeding ticket and OF COURSE i have to go to court next tuesday and probably jail (probably not)

then back to work where i make less money than i would want to but i guess it's only tuesday and then i get off and change and go to ravari room to celebrate AND try to forget about my new ticket, so OBVIOUSLY for the stupidest reasons ever i am able to get myself BANNED from ravari room and hounddogs and waste my time complaining to cops

i'm sooooo tired of having things to complain about and seeming negative but i really can't help feeling sorry for myself sometimes when really bad things happen every day and i can't even have one successfully good normal day

at least i finally sang karaoke and everybody fell in love with me

and anyway the thing is, is that ravari room is stupid and i don't even careeee

running list

-get breaks fixed at como
-get either that babysitting job or that serving job
-get a new bed
-don't go out/drink until you get one of those jobs
-call everyone to set up hair appointments
-be impressive at work
-stop eating so much crap
-i'm so tired of sleeping on a couch and being so in between
-christmas lights for new apartment is priority
-4 cell phones in less than a month just sucks
-smashed car window still sucks
-it never rains
-i love it
-i can't wait to get a kitty for life
-need to get back to my books
-paint my nails
-do nice things for roomies
-pay credit card bill
-find cory a job too
-don't cry
-things will get better and great soon i think
-sorry i'm not interesting or funny
-god i hate new jobs/being the new kid
-i hate talking on the phone with no voice and talking on the phone
-a little homesick but just a little