so i'm packing our food for the planeride (it's 2:30 am and i'm nowhere near done) and i decided we need to pack cheerios. so i put them in a tupperware and decided it was too much so i poured the cheerios into a smaller tupperware. there was a little left over in the big tupperware and i decided that instead of pouring the remaining cheerios back into the cheerios box, i could dispose of them by dumping the rest into my mouth. it ended up being about the largest number of cheerios i could imagine fitting into my mouth, so i'm hangin' out in the kitchen, chubby bunny style.

in comes larry and he asks me "how's it going??" to which i have to answer an indistinguishable "good" through my mouthful of cheerios with my cheeks puffed out. god so cool.

by the way i love larry and there is just no way to even describe the past couple months. a big important thing to say is i kind of want to quit but at the moment i don't care because in 12 hours i'll be IN THE TROPICS and in a few weeks i get to visit home, home sweet home!!!!!!!!!!!

im so tired

it's so weird because this job can be so amazing on the one hand, and so frustrating on the other. it's hard not to freak out but the good is so good!

today i had a few hours off and i just walked around my neighborhood. first i started off at "french roast" this adorable french cafe style restaurant and i got yummy breakfast quesadillas and coffee. the weather today was so perfect i wanted to cry. i felt good about figuring out the city and i got to all the places i needed to. it's so insane to have EVERYTHING i could ever want in walking distance! i walked to urban, sephora, little boutiques, barneys (so inspiring), ricky's, i walked through a craft fair next to central park, i got pinkberry (yum yum yum yum finally!!!), i loaded up on my aveda needs. it's nice to be alone. and it's nice to be with friends!

hanging out with orla last night was so unexpected and turned out great! i have such a good feeling about being here. she showed me around the lower east side and east village and i feel like i'm in love when i walk down the streets. they are brimming with such life! the bars we went to were right on spot. talked to some of the nicest people in the world. oh i bought perfect boots yesterday too! and ate at some cute igloo feel thai place with huge $5 sake cocktails! all in all a total success :).

it feels soooo amazing to have separated myself from all the negative energies my life used to hold. my heart still aches all the time though, but i know that's normal. i feel like i'm learning so much. even the cab drivers and doormen have such interesting stories. new york is so unbeatably cool!

PS i can't wait to go to tortola!!!!!!!!

i knew it

living in new york is worth it even if you have to work 16 hours a day every day.

oh but i'll give you a clue. okay maybe this isn't a good clue, i'll call it a "teaser".

first i will start by saying that i might be the only person i know (other than my sister) who loves sarah mclachlan A LOT. and i'm okay with that and will always support her lyrics music and voice forever. i don't remember much of what else i would want to say. probably just thinking about how much i still love my wild rose dove deo and that now i'm addicted to seinfeld. sometimes i think about going to bed around 10 but then i have to stay up to watch seinfeld from 11-12 and then i'm not tired because it's so funny to me still. also to remember that i want to volunteer with kitties and i need a new notebook. the brandwhore in me wants a moleskine.

i can't talk too much about what might happen in the next week or it definitely won't happen. but i can say that i'm going shopping today and i'm so inspired from having nothing better to do than obsess over fashion week!

positively positive

still trying to surround myself with good energies because that's the only way i can truly live up to my expectations of myself. out with the bad, in with the good.

eternal optimist!

sorry

i want to write so many mean things. i'm regretful of my friendships and trying to be a good friend anymore. i don't think anybody cares or appreciates it. i'm done talking to you all bye. every day i want to disappear a little more.

blehhhhhhh so i have a new plan called join smart sitters. i flatironed my hair today and i'm really not very sure about this whole straight hair thing. i'm not too into it. lately i'm more into hiking, turtles, cooking, craigslist, and pumpkin spice lattes. oh, and twitter. and taking naps in the sun like an animal. right now i can hear an owl hooting. wildlife is nice. omg so is apple cider.

bored but optimistic

last night i spent an hour listening to "learn french by podcast".

today i was emailed by a french family in the upper east side who wants to give me my own apartment.

coincidence?...

~*~*~*~*TO-DO*~*~*~*~

okay my goodness i need to get on track.

i woke up around 4 pm today (after sixteen hours of sleep) and had a huuuuuuge coffee and now it's 4 am and i can't sleep. wonderful, eh?

so guess what, this is my to-do list for tomorrow, and i'm sticking to it!

wake up by 10 AM.
drive my groggy ass to starbucks for some fuel.
hair dye. i'm thinking a level three or four ash.
shower! dress! refresh!
see if the daycare down the street is hiring.
email 5 more families.
learn an easy song on the piano. start off small.

maybe attempt eggplant parmesan for dinner.

oh, see natalie before she moves to nyc! don't be bitter.
read another chapter.


this is an easy day. i can do it. goodnight.

whyyyyyyyyy do i have no friends

is it because i'm mean and easily fed up and don't really care about anybody? or do people actually not like me that much?

lily allen for chanel

such a fan

more goth than ever

it's raining, i've been in my pajamas for the past three days straight, i cry myself to sleep, and i want to buy this:



also maybe i'm going to new york, portland, paris, or copenhagen. so don't feel too sorry for met yet. i am dreading even visiting columbus for fear of questions about london and pitying looks.

too good to be true.

Kathleen, sorry if I cut you short just now, but I was on the verge or tears and didn't want to cry down the phone to you.

I'm so upset that we will not be meeting you as I had already set my heart on you being the right person for us.

The rules just aren't fair. Please understand that we can not break the law, nor risk you being arrested for working illegally and being deported. This would be on your record and your passport for life if this happened.

You seem truly like a wonderful person and I really hope you don't give up on your dreams. If you do make it to Europe or even over to the UK for a holiday, please contact us and we would be so happy to put you up and look after you.

I'm so sincerely sorry that you have come this far only to be let down, but I didn't realise the foreign office had stopped Americans working here.

I wish you luck, happiness and success and please express my apologies to your mum too.

With Love.
Karen.

missing things

i might be crazy for putting myself in a situation where i'm going to miss everything ever, and live somewhere new and meet new people who i'm inevitably going to be missing a year from now.

sometimes missing consumes my life.

moving to the UK in ten days!

is this real life???

GUESS WHAT I AM BLOGGING FROM MY PHONE

a poem by margaret atwood

michelle turned me on to this and i love it.
"variations on the word sleep"

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.

things i can look forward to

1. starting a book club
2. painting my bike ivory (and finding a brown seat for it)
3. becoming a rose enthusiast (after yesterday's trip to the park of roses, i'm hooked!)
4. living somewhere new :)

heartache

what's wrong with me

i have two jobs

one doesn't start until 2:30, and the other one doesn't start until 6, 7, or 8 depending. i love that i don't even feel guilty waking up, eating something, and sitting in the sun reading all afternoon. i can totttttally do this all summer. books, hotdogs, suntans

what a beautiful day!!!!!!

so, now i have two jobs. and i think i'm getting a third even MORE embarrassing job. but whatever because i hate being broke and i hate when i'm not busy. i can't wait until i can afford daily starbucks again which will make my busy days really great.

i pretty much think 3 years without a boyfriend is a record for anybody and i can't figure myself out. if i'm closed off to it or too independent or picky? it's so weird that it's probably my fault because i'm also quite lonely. i just want to watch movies and go for walks and forget everyone else. i'm tired of being on the receiving end of the forgetting.

one thing is for sure, i would never ever put up with a boyfriend who doesn't like my friends. or make excuses. or not invite my friends somewhere because my boyfriend is coming. or not say bye because i'm with my boyfriend.

i think i'm going to go sun myself for an hour, go to the grocery where i will also buy bleach because it's cat pee cleanup time. like my landlord doesn't hate me enough already. I CANT GET RID OF MY CATS. they are too small and soft. does anybody want to watch poltergeist with me????

ohhhhh on top of everything else right now i have a raging cold. UGH. good thing i have baby packs of kleenex.

ny, ny VS c-bus

i just hit another financial roadblock. is the world trying to tell me something? is this an obstacle i can overcome? should i spend another year in columbus? should i really get a third job and disappear until october? i don't feel like i'd miss out on much... i just want to get away... maybe not new york... maybe out west...........

bad feeling

bad dreams, gettin' really lonely, i think my cats are dying, polaroid film won't develop, not gonna make rent, no forest runs this week, a little bit stuck in the past lately, can't find a job, feeling rejected, unmotivated, slumpy, dumpy.

building a resume/mystery

apparently showing up to an establishment looking fly and batting my eyelashes while half-filling out an inapt application isn't going to cut it.

i'm sitting here cutting and pasting sample resumes on the internet while i stretch out my sore gams by sitting in the splits in the kitchen and loading up on 3 shots of espresso to cure my slightly hopeless introverted demeanor. something's gotta give.

i just changed my blog color palette for the first time. didn't help much. i just turned on some mates of state. helped a little.

i want to make art!!!!!!!!!

not sure what to blog about

it's going to rain for the next seven days which matches my mood (goth) right now even though the sun is peaking out. i'm gonna make a resume that talks about how amazingly skilled i am but that i'm not friendly so don't try to talk to me when you hire me. i feel stale in columbus.

fast spring

more than a month since my last post!!! this is because i have been overly busy with life and living. i hate how fast spring and summer pass. i'm serious. i just hate it. i wish hanging out lasted forever. it's been nice a lot and i haven't had time for one cookout or porch beer yet! i'm going to blink my eyes and i'm pretty sure it will be mid-may. crap.

but everything's good everything's good. i hope this 3 jobs all summer thing works out and i hope brooklyn in autumn works out even more... or maybe i just want to relax with barely any jobs and just hangout? right now i'll pretend i might move to new york still.

i already feel how different it feels not to work at the happy greek anymore. i obviously like it, even though i miss most people and some food and a little bit of everything all the time.

i have the greatest bike alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so far i've only gone on one bike ride. it was in a cemetery. also, today i looked at mummies and carcophaguses and egyptian statues and trinkets and stuff i don't know it was all really cool. i bought a pretty cool ring too.

shortay

i'm not going to spend a lot of time on this post because this is an important day to not spend on the internet. it's BEAUTIFUL, i already had 3 shots of espresso, and by 8:00 pm my body is going to be free of hair from the waist down for the next month! apres-le-waxing, i'm going out with columbus besties that have been m.i.a. lately due to finals. YES!

in a week i will sipping pina coladas on the beach.

i'm in the midst of my highest week ever at the salon.

life is gooooood!

a date?

i can't believe i went on a true-life honest-to-goodness date! date me date me date meeee

oh and a thoughtful present on a first date is always good

sad

i am sad about 2 things right now.

1. i'm sad that i'm not staying in columbus tonight because gallery hop and warm weather and friends sounds really fun.

2. and i am sad that i want to stay in columbus instead of going home and seeing my family. i feel like nothing is ever enough to make me happy sometimes. i was happy and excited to go home but now i'm like noooo what am i doing, but at least i'll get laundry done and see coco and have 2 dinners cooked for me.

WAH WAHHHH droop droop droop

get me out of droopytown i need to go to florida i guess

holy dinner

cory cory cory

she is my best friend ever because she can come to columbus and i have more fun in 48 hours than i did all freaking month. i don't even remember what we did this weekend and i don't even care, i just love having a best friend who wants to drive around in the sun and drink milkshakes and stuff. i wish she could be here all the time. but at least we are so good at long distance.

four course dinner with chef carlo was so yummy, it's inspiring me to maybe cook in my kitchen again! friends + food is always a good thing. also it's not february anymore! AND i sang karaoke last night..... by myself!!!!!! monumental. fun. loves it.

i hope jenna wants to hang out lots this week and i hope katie or somebody moves in so i don't have to pay $600 for rent this month. i'm putting all my tax moneys on my credit card and seriously lifting a weight off my shoulders.

i think jenna's home i'm gonna go bye.

fun squid

i miss fun squad and i miss fun but i have to keep reminding myself it's just february and that is february.

my hair is getting lighter all on it's own it seriously knows me. it's day three without washing and it looks FANTASTIC. i think it's from brushing before going to bed. if you want a new good hair tip it's brush your hair before you go to bed. love, your hairstylist.

speaking of hairstylist stuff i can tell that i'm going to start my portfolio very soon. i have a lot of good things coming up and did i mention i'm practically a fashion designer too? did i mention that i found a girl on craigslist who is going to let me color her hair plum and dusty antique rose and make fairy braids? this is probably a dream come true. i'm getting so un-depressed at the thought that i might even clean my room and do laundry today and i MIGHT even work out! these are things i can't do when i'm depressed which is why in february i'm usually fat and live in filth. okay filth is taking it a little too far but let's just say febreeze has been my best friend.

i am excited for vacation it's a month away. we should get more best friend trinkets. i'm pretty sure when i get my happy greek paycheck this week i'm going to buy at least one pair of shoes from dolce vita. now that bonita spring is so close sunshine grilling and margaritas seems a little more real and a little less fantasy. today i bought things like pomegranate juice and celery sticks in the hopes that my arms will be a little smaller when i'm traipsing around in a teeny bikini. but my camera hasn't worked for practically a year so really who cares???? it's good timing really.

oh my god i wish you could see my cats right now. i wish i knew if martha dre was a boy or girl.

fuck i don't know which record to buy next. they sell lily allen at used kids and i think i just want it because it looks cool and pink and might be kind of cheerful?

and i am out of inspiring animal-inspired jewelry. i'm tired of everything. give me a snake shaped ring or a chunkier bangle. give me tiny antique framed mirrors, they seriously start at $50 on ebay, i'm so confused. actually i'm about to head to the thrift store...

yup

breakfast hunger past noon

i love sleeping in and sitting around until 1 when i want breakfast so bad i might just fall over and die. i think the only thing i can make is peanut butter toast. but hey, i'm not complaining. i'll probably make three slices.

this weather sucks it's the absolute worst. it's freezing and dreary and months away from warmth and sunshine. i don't want to live in columbus next winter. i don't want to work out, i don't want to clean my room, i don't want to beg people to be my clients. i just want to lay in my bed and eat breakfast and sleep with my cats.

i have 8 million outfits planned for spring but i have no dollars. this is going to be impossible and depressing but i will still love warm sunny weather even if i have to just wear the same thing every day. i forgot about my summer jumper and i just can't waitttt to feel like that again! jumper and bathing suit. hotdogs for breakfast lunch and dinner. pushups for dessert.

i'm starving
i hate bras
my hair is getting REALLY long

rabies

yeah, i'm pretty sure i have rabies now

i hate girltalk
i hate losing everything
i hate nightmares
i hate blogging

is this bad?

i think i'm coming to the realization that pop r&b-type music seriously might be my favorite. i get the biggest cravings for k-ci and jojo, and joe, and ginuwine. crrrrinnnngggggeee. i also think that i have unfortunately influenced my sister in the same way. poor girl. i think she actually thinks it's appropriate to like this music, a lot.

also that i like pictures where hands look really big. and i like big hands, i think it's because mine are pretty big (but still girly). if your hands are smaller than mine, sucks.

also i want to know where everyone finds the cool stuff they post on their blog because i want to buy it all. and all i have to blog about is indecision and big hands and crappy music and daily food adventures and the newest party i'm throwing.

REGRET REGRET REGRET

this is what was going round-n-round in my head last night as i layed in bed:


mass amounts of food from the happy creep burning my body and trying to explode through my ears, regrets including:

-falafel and feta salata pita breakfast
-nutty perogie number two, three, four, and five
-cup of coffee number four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, lost count
-hummunisti and kopaziki twice (2 more pitas, 400 more cals)
-bite of gross baklava
-birthday pastitsio that was pretty cold (even though it had a heart on it)
-the last of jenna's spicy chicken sandwich
-big azz margarita

not including:
-cup off coffee number one, two and three
-nutty perogie number one
-broken banana half
-birthday tini


FOOOOOOOOOOD tomorrow i'm going to be fat and 22