dreams last for so long

i mean, i don't really think about mick that much anymore except that he lives in new york too so of course i think of getting in touch with him sometimes. but that doesn't really explain the dream: him driving me somewhere (i'm in the backseat) of some silver suv and he swerves wildly and we get pulled over and i'm really upset because i'm trying to save money. then we walk, with the cops, from my car to his apartment which of course doesn't make sense. he lives on avenue six in my dream. we hang out (with the cops) for awhile drinking beers and eating chips, little appesauce cups, and fruit by the foot. he get's kind of affectionate and then disappears and i decided i want to have one last cigarette/say goodbye. theres like this very strange bar next door and it's maze like and i end up looking for him but the crowd just keeps getting younger and finally i run into his little sister (fairly certain he doesn't have a little sister IRL) and she tells me how weird he is in relationships (slightly reminiscent of a conversation from my past) and then ends the conversation with "you know he's married right?" and talks about hating the girl, then i look for him even more but never find him and i wake up. and had one of those really hazy "did that really happen" feelings for about five minutes. i still feel weird. blah.

the sad truth

i already spent 10 bucks at mcdonald's this morning, so i should do laundry, come home, and not spend a dime anywhere else today.

i hate starting new books

don't get me wrong, i like reading new books. but i hate the beginning i'd much rather be in the middle or the end. but since i have laundry to do i better start a new book because wtf else am i going to do for 2 hours? maybe take a walk too. i can't decide if i'm allowed to get a manicure or a backrub today. i think i should be allowed to, especially if i plan on cleaning when i get home too. i also need to go to the grocery store and the bank but i reeeally don't want to deposit my cash. because i'm overdrawn so it will disappear a little. but i have credit cards to pay. i doubt a tiny bit that i'll have 2 grand saved by end of may but i really really want to. i think i might start eating ramen again nonstop because that's a meal for 25 cents and i spent too much money on delicious foods this past weekend.

wooooops this blog is boring but luckily nobody reads it except maybe ktz

whatever

i'm just lonely again, nothing unusual and it's not that bad

not sure what to call this blog

last night was so weeeeeeird. i worked late and then stayed out REALLY late at work and got kind of drunk and was the only girl there amidst a pretty weird crowd and then being sneaked into staying at brian's house. but he is so nice and there was no funny business which funnily enough kind of makes me like him a little. then he insisted i stay for breakfast and he ordered us some eggies and home fries and we watched the dog whisperer and some jessica simpson tv show and would once in awhile talk and i couldn't really understand him very much, irish accent and all, but it was nice sleeping in a bed, and nice having company. it's so weird that he just broke up with his fiance three weeks ago. makes me feel kind of sick and sad about the past. i want to stop thinking about c.

boat tomorrow yeeeeeah on a boat!

when am i going to go sailing with alan???