heartache

what's wrong with me

i have two jobs

one doesn't start until 2:30, and the other one doesn't start until 6, 7, or 8 depending. i love that i don't even feel guilty waking up, eating something, and sitting in the sun reading all afternoon. i can totttttally do this all summer. books, hotdogs, suntans

what a beautiful day!!!!!!

so, now i have two jobs. and i think i'm getting a third even MORE embarrassing job. but whatever because i hate being broke and i hate when i'm not busy. i can't wait until i can afford daily starbucks again which will make my busy days really great.

i pretty much think 3 years without a boyfriend is a record for anybody and i can't figure myself out. if i'm closed off to it or too independent or picky? it's so weird that it's probably my fault because i'm also quite lonely. i just want to watch movies and go for walks and forget everyone else. i'm tired of being on the receiving end of the forgetting.

one thing is for sure, i would never ever put up with a boyfriend who doesn't like my friends. or make excuses. or not invite my friends somewhere because my boyfriend is coming. or not say bye because i'm with my boyfriend.

i think i'm going to go sun myself for an hour, go to the grocery where i will also buy bleach because it's cat pee cleanup time. like my landlord doesn't hate me enough already. I CANT GET RID OF MY CATS. they are too small and soft. does anybody want to watch poltergeist with me????

ohhhhh on top of everything else right now i have a raging cold. UGH. good thing i have baby packs of kleenex.

ny, ny VS c-bus

i just hit another financial roadblock. is the world trying to tell me something? is this an obstacle i can overcome? should i spend another year in columbus? should i really get a third job and disappear until october? i don't feel like i'd miss out on much... i just want to get away... maybe not new york... maybe out west...........

bad feeling

bad dreams, gettin' really lonely, i think my cats are dying, polaroid film won't develop, not gonna make rent, no forest runs this week, a little bit stuck in the past lately, can't find a job, feeling rejected, unmotivated, slumpy, dumpy.